Finding NEVERLAND within you after as a loss. This post is dedicated to all the readers who have lost that one most special person in life who made them feel like they belong and made them feel that life was beautiful.
I know its a long journey for us all who are left behind. That one special place where we can be ourselves is lost. Hang in there.. everything will work out just fine!
I lost my husband not more than one and a half years ago. We were each other’s best friends and we loved each other without any judgments. He died of Jaundice at the age of 37 by leaving me directionless and completely devastated. I was feeling as if nothing will ever be good again. I will have no happiness in life and I will die of loneliness. The one thought that came to my mind when the doctor broke this news to me was āwhen will I die?ā
A month passed by and I started looking for solutions. Read a lot of blogs by widows/widowers and support groups to know āhow to move onā. When it comes to losing someone, there is no right amount of time you can give yourself to get back upstart the normal life again. I have always been a strong and independent person so I decided to recover in a short amount of time because I started to feel as if I was stuck somewhere. āBeing stuckā is the feeling I can not accept because it makes me restless. This time I took it as an opportunity to change my life.
I read somewhere that āthoughts are real and they can either create or destroy usā. I didnāt believe at first but decided to give it a try without any hopes. I didnāt know where and how to start. All I knew was that I needed to feel better. That was my only focus.
So I started to ādesensitizeā myself by visiting places we both regularly used to visit. I went to the hospital he died in. I donated all of his clothes. Deleted his Facebook and Linkedin profiles. Sent messages to his friends about his death. Spent a lot of time at home feeling every corner of the house where we lived together.
All of this may sound a little too bold but when I was doing it all, I didnāt stop or ignore a single bad thought that was coming in my mind. I let them come and I accepted their existence. I felt sad, devastated, angry, and extremely low, but I allowed myself to feel every emotion. That was a start for me. When I went and stood in front of the hospital where he died, I cried my heart out till I felt nothing. I used to go there many times just to check how I feel. One fine day after many attempts of staring at the hospital, my wish came true. I could stand there without feeling any stress or sadness. I applied the same method for all the other places and it worked like magic. I even talked to my husband and told him that, I had to let him go now and I would always love him.
When I used to feel alone or sad, I thought about all people who are there for me like my parents, in-laws, friends, and relatives. Every time I told myself āI am not alone. There are so many people with meā.
My next step was to find the meaning of my life. I didnāt know where to start or what I really wanted to do for the rest of my life. I felt the urge to help other widows/widowers who were going through the same trauma. I wanted to share my experiences with them and help them cope with sorrow. I started doing that in no time. If nothing else then I used to listen to their problems. I learned that just by listening to someoneās problems gives them a great sense of peace. People started to open up to me. It was a great experience when people are comfortable sharing their problems with you without any hesitation.
Now I wanted to give some solutions to help them handle the stress. I got the reference of FasterEFT and NLP techniques. I learned them online as much as I could and implemented them on myself. FasterEFT worked like magic. Then I thought this is exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life. Help people!!!
You will be glad to know that it been one year I have not felt sad about the loss of my husband. All I think of is the good times we spent and the happy memories we made together.
It took a leap of faith to cope with the sorrow, change of thoughts, and changed actions.
It all became possible because I changed my mind and I believed that I could do it.
My tips for people who are struggling in their life with such a loss:
- Accept and welcome your thoughts as they are. Don’t avoid, resist, or ignore them.
- Accept that the person you lost is not coming back and tell this to yourself every day.
- Write down your thoughts on a piece of paper and flush it down the toilet.
- Sometimes we get āsurvivor’s guiltā and it is ok to feel āit should have been me instead of him/herā.
- Think about how different your life can be if you take one brave step to let go.
- Remember every pain is temporary unless you feed it a story.
- Share your feelings with others as much as you can.
- Think about all the people who are with you.
- Get a hobby that makes you feel happy and spend atlas 1 hour a day with it.
- You may want to use this Simple Tapping Technique to deal with the stress. I did and it helped me a lot.
- It is ok to be OK, you are not doing anything wrong by moving on.
- Keep telling yourself that āif I am not dead yet that means I am not done yetā
- Have faith in yourself no matter what the circumstances are because you are responsible for your own happiness. No one is coming to save you. People will help you but you have to accept the help. Others canāt do it for you.
- And the most important thing. JUST BELIEVE YOU ARE GOING TO BE OK because you are!
Remember that thoughts are real and we can change our thoughts to attract happiness back into life. It is doable. I have done it. You can do it too!
I want to share these dialogues from the movie āFinding Neverlandā. Young Peter has just lost his mother and he is sad. He asks
Peter Llewelyn DaviesĀ ā Why did she have to die!
J.M. BarrieĀ ā She went to Neverland
J.M. BarrieĀ ā You can visit Neverland any time you like.
Peter Llewelyn DaviesĀ ā How?
J.M. BarrieĀ ā By believing, Peter. Just believe.
Peter Llewelyn DaviesĀ ā (smiles and says) I see her.