Hello readers! I have written this article to introduce the concept of emotional intelligence. This article will answer your questions like What, How & When. Let us get started, shall we?
Let me ask you something. Have you ever thought about how you react to situations? Any situation for that matter! Do you respond or do you react?
Reacting means when we say something without thinking much about the situation. Reacting is based on our past experiences. When a similar situation comes up we just react without knowing how we did that. Just like we are on autopilot. This principle can be applied to any situation. Eg. getting angry with someone, fighting, criticizing, comparing ourselves with someone, getting scared, feeling sad, etc.
Responding means after analyzing a situation from all the possible perspectives and then expressing feelings about it. This is something difficult to do but not impossible. Yes, this is one of the important parts of Emotional Intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence is a state of mind which consists of the following abilities:
- Becoming aware of negative self-talk and immediately turning it into positive. Believe it or not but we humans get approximately 50000 thoughts every day and 90% of them are negative. The way we talk in our minds we attract in our life. Let us say a person says to himself over and over again that, “I never have enough money” will never have enough money in his life because he is repeating it all the time without realizing it. One needs to be aware of all thoughts that are hampering one’s wellbeing. Making a list on the peace of papers a good way to start this process. To eliminate such negative thoughts, first, we must know them.
- Becoming aware of our own limitations and problems, bad personality traits, and negative emotions. Eliminating them is the best course of action. The limitation is a state of mind that says what is and what isn’t possible for me. Eg. I need someone else to complete me, I can not swim, I can not speak in public, I don’t have enough courage to face challenging situations, etc. Let me tell you something! Limitations are not real. Our mind makes it seem real because it has been backed by limiting thoughts. People will never be successful in business if they put limitations on their ability to succeed.
- Responding to situations instead of reacting. This can be achieved by being neutral to triggers that bring the worst in you. Eg. If someone hurts your feeling by insulting you, instead of reacting in anger or hurtful words think as if that person is saying such insulting words because he/she is hurt. It is not about you, it’s about their state of mind at that time because happy people do not insult or fight with others. Many times you will find that not reacting to such behaviors is the best response you can ever give. It gives you peace of mind. When you are in tough situations it is always best to keep yours on your own happiness. Just bite your tongue and think “is it going to do me any good if I say anything in return?” Most of the time it is useful not to say anything at all because the other person may not be mentally available to understand your words. Why waste words then? If you are able to do this, then you are one step closer to being Emotionally Intelligent.
- Letting go of traumatic experiences from the past and making peace with the fact that “What happened has happened and it is not happening now”. To let go of traumatic experiences and memories I have a wonderful technique to offer. It is called the Simple Tapping Technique. It is the technique that aims at emotions you feel in the body and the intensity it holds in mind. Let me explain to you in detail. First, make the list of all the past experiences and memories that bother you. The list consists of people insulting or criticizing you, deaths in the family, something bad happened to you in the past, bothering behaviors of friends and family members, and every little experience that does not make you happy. Now look at the following picture and follow the given sequence. Follow this Simple Tapping Technique to change all negative memories you hold in your mind. To tell you truth if you wish to adopt a new way of thinking, first, you must let go of your old way of thinking and change the references in your mind. This wonderful tool helps you do it in the fastest way possible.
- Changing the self-image we hold in mind. What do you really believe about yourself? Make a list. Use the tapping technique demonstrated in the above picture to neutralize every limiting belief. When you follow this process you will see how quickly your life starts to change. Now make a list of all the empowering beliefs such as, I am in the process of improving my life and I am making progress every day, money comes into my life easier, I am a good person with a stable state of mind, only good things happen to me, people respect me everywhere I go, my body and mind are healthy, everyone loves me, I believe in my abilities to succeed in life, I get everything I want, I am always good towards other people and I always do good in my life. These are the empowering beliefs you can adapt without resistance.
- Learning how the mind works and then using to its full potential to get what we want. Resistance to change is the culprit when it comes to implementing new things in life. Resistance is anything that keeps you away from changing the way of thinking. Our mind resists change most of the times that’s why we procrastinate. Procrastination is a disease of a mind. To decrease the resistance, avoid telling yourself words like MUST or SHOULD. Instead, you can use words like let me at least try, there is no harm in trying new things, it is good to try it in another way this time. This is the power of suggestions. The mind takes in suggestions easily than the compulsions you make on yourself. Willpower is always weak in front of visualization. Mind achieves more when exposed to visualization techniques. Simple Tapping Technique helps tremendously to overcome resistance.
- Being focused on a goal than being a drifter. Have you asked yourself this question “what is my goal in life?”. If not then NOW is the right time to ask yourself this question. A person with a clear goal achieves things faster than the one who goes with the flow of life. Such a person who goes where life takes is called a drifter. Get a goal in life, no matter how small. It can be as good as cleaning the house or losing a few pounds to achieving a certain amount of turnover in business. Form a final mental image in your mind of the achieved goal. How would it feel if you achieved that goal? How would it look? Go ahead and dream about it. Now keep this image in your mind till you achieve it. This will act as an anchor and will always bring you back if you have a tendency to drift away. Keep the focus on the visualized image all the time just like the spotlight you see on a stage. Keep your spotlight on that goal at all times. The advantage is that if you are focused on a goal you will skip the unnecessary reactions to others behavior because they are no longer relevant to your goal. Go ahead and try it now! There is no harm in trying, right?
- Not letting other people’s behavior and opinions disturb the inner peace. Letting go of expectations from others and being neutral for what others expect from you. Expect everything from your own self. This will help you keep control within yourself than putting it in outside circumstances. When we expect from others, we give them power to them and their actions. How is that logical? It is not! Use the Simple Tapping Technique to neutralize the emotional charge towards expectations from others. It works wonderfully. All you have to do is use the technique.
- Stop being a victim. Do you blame anyone for your problems? That’s what makes you a victim. Instead, try taking responsibility of your own problems and practice letting it go, because that is the right thing to do. We can not give away what we don’t have. So the best way to let go is to claim it and own it first. How people treat you is their problem and how you react depends on your own Emotional Intelligence. Never allow your mind to think that my problem exists because someone treated me badly. Because this is not true. Take charge of your own life now.
- Letting go of the attachment to “What will people think about me”. We have been raised in the environment of “social acceptance”. If our actions make people talk badly about us we avoid such actions no matter how good are those actions for us. This is very harmful in my opinion. Need to fit in makes us invisible. People think from their perspective so you should first ask yourself “How can I be responsible for what people think of me?” Other’s opinions about you are not real because they are based on their life experiences and references. According to me the problem of “What will people think about me” belongs in the dustbin.
- Staying healthy by thinking right. Yeh, you read it right! Thoughts have deep effects on our bodies. Water molecules in the body take shape of our feelings and respond to our thoughts. The human body is made of 65% of water. You can imagine what impact our thoughts might have on our bodies. Anger weakens the liver, thinking about financial problems gives us lower back pain, inability to think from different angles makes our neck pain, if you are tired of hearing something over and over again you get ear problems, inability to let go gives us digestion problems, fear weakens our stomach, inability to love self brings diabetes. The list goes on and on… The bottom line is to make peace with bad ugly stuff within so that you can attract better health and maintain it. See the below pictures of emotions and their effect on water molecules in our bodies.
Heavy Metal Music
Love and Gratitude
Mozart Symphony
I hate you, you make me sick
12. Being grateful for all the people, situations, things that have brought happiness into life. Gratitude is the greatest gift any human can possess. Make a habit of being grateful for at least 5 people, 5 situations, and 5 things you are grateful for and say thanks every night before going to bed, and every morning after getting up. It doesn’t have to be greatest thing. Be grateful for all the small things in life. Follow this and see how healthy and happy your life becomes. Give it shot!
Life is all about improving and comparing yourself to yourself from the previous day. To be honest with you, I have used the FasterEFT technique to bring peace to my life and make it a habit. I wish you the same. I hope you will keep on trying and gain the superhuman ability of Emotional Intelligence. We are artists carving our own lives every day. Make it a masterpiece. I wish you good luck.